long awaited update...milano, warsaw, and back home to berlin!

Hey again from berlin.... and have to say that things are going really well at the moment. So... it´s been awhile since I last made an update, so I will do what I can to recall all that has happened.

First off, I was in Milano and Bologna the first weekend of Dec. to do some drag shows with my friend Tina (DJ Tony). We got into Milano on Thrusday, took a bus into town, saw our friend who was working at a sex shop off the main shopping strip and then went back to the central station to take a train to Bologna... it really blew my mind though to be in another country with another language, etc. in 2 hours. The train ride was really nice and we were eating great focaccia! YUM! We got into Bologna and got picked up by this girl from Portland named Dannie or Daniela and made our way to the this crazy huge space which is the gay and lesbian community center in Bologna. I kept on hearing that is was a more liberal or ´red´city with the university also there and got to have great conversation about italain culture and living with your parents till you are 30 as a norm... but back to the space. It was also the archive and as you pass through the main entrance we met lots of folks who were getting ready for the show... the space apparently is really great, but you have to pay a membership fee to come to things and then on top of that you have to pay to come to shows and it gets kinda pricey... a little profit off community..? Anyways, we made our way to the back door and then down the metal sheeky staircase to the back area and into the bottom story where there was a HUGE space with a stage and bar and projection booth and really high ceiling. This is where the show was going to be. I then met another person from the US, who of course I KNEW! It was Angelo (or Angela) who made the costumes for ´The Transfused´the rock opera that Nomy Lamm and The Need wrote that I was in when I was 16... and then it turned out the Dannie had seen it and both of them had lived in Oly... and yet again the world was a small place. The performed a peice at the show that was a ´James Bond´ esk thing and then I performed a character that is based somewhat on Napolian Dinomite...oh yeah! I come out and take off my shoes as I am pulling a little tinny rolling suite case that I found for free at the flöwmarket and I take it to the center of the stage very slowly, take out some things and then put on a ´boy´outfit in bright orange and then dance to kris kross.. jump jump, switch back to slow while undressing and then put on purple and white polka dot shirt with a headband and dance to brandy... and then take my stuff and leave the stage.. it was a really fun show and it was great performing. We finally got to bed after Tina and Chira finished DJing at 5am and then I slept! In the morning we went to Angela and Chiras house for an amazing breakfast of potatoes and eggs and pancakes and tea and I was back in the US for a moment.. totally reminded me of pdx and it was very nice. Went back to Milano on the train as we very closely made it to our train on time. That night we went to a house of this woman who has this crazy experimental womens band where they wear alien masks and dresses. From then on it was mainly lots of italian, which was nice to listen to, but I didn´t really catch most of what was being said. The next day I stayed in the apt. and then we went to dinner at the house of the women who was booking out show in Milano and who paid for our tickets there. She had lots of vintage gore posters and black furniture.. we watched some of the movies that Tina had brought and she made us drinks of Absenth and it was so strong I really couldn´t even make myself drink it. Finally we went home and it was snowing so hard... we walked along the water way, under bridges and it was beautiful and quite in the snow and the late night of milano. The next day we went out to the studio of the woman we were staying with and then went out for food...again, amazing focaccia! Met some really nice people and I am so bad at names, so I cannot tell you that much. Went then to the space and figured out the staging, ate some really good oranges and then agelo and dannie came, as they were going to do the performance as well that night. The party was fun, lots of straight guys, but it was in a nice space and people liked the shows... I always think it´s great to be in drag around people who aren´t used to it also. Went home and in the morning got up early to get some food and then tina took me to the main station where I caught the bus to the airport and then finally was back in Berlin and felt at home with the german mentality coming from the sheeky milano fashion state. It was good though to get out and get this breath or fresh air.

The next week was a bit down, not loving my job, but looking forward to the next weekend. We weren´t so prepaired, but we finally caught the train to Warsaw at 6:42am. Catalina and I sat next to these two girl from Australia who were traveling and also saw Petal and Lota on the train. At the boarder Catalina realized she had forgotten her passport and got taken off the train by the boarder control, but promised she was going to work on coming after she went to the house for her passport. A few stops later Petal got off with the police for wanting to pay the originally advertised price since you have to pay more when you are on the trian with no ticket and the ticket office at our station had been closed... then it was me and Lota. We got into town and made our way to the space.. and there was no one there. At first we thought it was because there was a demo that day and then a newly married couple came in and was having their pictures taken... we decided to ask more and we were in the wrong place. we went back to the station to meet up with petal who had gotten his way with the tickets and we went to the new location where we saw familiar faces right away. The space was great.. in a three story builing with great bars, bathrooms and basement...haha, and got to attend a fab DJing working by Prisc from france (where there were dudes... and this is at ladyfest mind....who were all about jumping up on being first to try things). After this we sat at a table and talked and then saw some of the shows. At this point Catalina was not there and I was hoping she was OK and I was thinking about still performing alone. We found out a way for me to perform between DJs and a polish woman who was there said she wanted to take some pictures of me the next day in drag...which didn´t ever really happen, but back to the story. Catalina did show up and we did perform, but the croud wanted people to get naked, but I trying wowing them as a drag king putting on the moves in long underwear and it actually worked quite well. I have to say that the band were not the best but I really love the polish hip hop group of ladies and the hardcore band from Barcelona called ´Drama´with a kick ass singer. We had found a place to sleep .. where 11 other people were staying also and I think we got home at around 5am. In the morning we all had a great breakfast in the living room... picknick style in the PJs with people from Poland, France, Germany, and the US. It was bitter cold as we made our was through the street and on the rickety trolly back to another space for a day of watching films. I had decided at this point that I really liked Warsaw/Poland as all the people I had met were really nice and had a good spirit about them. The films were great and I was able to see a few that I wanted to showcase in Berlin and in the states. Lota and Catalina and I went out to a great vegetarian resteraunt where they were playing enya and it totally reminded me of my mom. We then had some kick ass cakes with tea and then went back for more movies. The night ended and we came home, got up early and ended up catching an earlier train than we had thought we would so we were not able to see more of the city. I would like to go back an visit though, it was very nice there. The train ride back was chill with good converstation and while we were drinking hot water in the resteraunt train an nice older woman came to say hello who was from Minnesoda.

Since then I have been feeling up and down and all around, but have finally landed on the fact that I really am enjoying myself here. Of course I miss people and places, but I´v realized that I have options and am not stuck here, that I can move around to different cities and countries.. that all these things are possible if you just keep your wits about you and decide you are in it for a good time. Last night I got two new tattoos- the one on my left arm is a leo symbol for my passion and strength and being fierce and the one on my right is a needle and with a red thread pointing inward for healing and creativity and mending and for remembering my good friend sailor. I am working on getting my visa, which will be for most likely a year and am looking for more work so I can have some change in my life also. I am hoping to come back and visit some time in the spring... march or so? So, until the next update, which will hopefully be a bit sooner than this one. Big kisses and thinking about you in Berlin...!

farms, performance art drag and winter

I will start with the drag... I saw an amazing show on saturday night of this group called ´Larry Peacock´who was doing performance art music drag.. out of control. Here is the link for their picture: http://www.ausland-berlin.de/offen/viewEventEntry.do?blog:blogid=3641.
There were songs about cows and their milk, butt plug microphones, experimental electro lesbian music, alphablets and symphonies for trousers, and more. That said. There is also a farm in berlin next to the place I tutor english and on saturday I am taking my roommates on a feild trip to the farm to pet the goats and horses and the huge cows... the also have a store where you can buy fresh free range milk, eggs and cheese from the farm. Things like this make me very happy... makes me want to live more in the country with an earth house and chickens and yet there is the contradiction here with this big city life... two loves.

I am most likely not going to be coming back to seattle in jan. to visit anymore, but sometime later in the spring. I bit sad about this, but this next weekend I have a performance and then the next weekend is milano and then warshaw, poland. and the x-mas at X-B. more on all that later....

polish families, lots of cake, bike rides to the forest and a nice dream state

Hello friends,

Things are well.. have been working tons (6 days a week) with different polish families teaching english and such... and being offered a lot of cake. Most mornings I wake up and feel out of myself and then after I dress and come into the kitchen and find some of my roommates I am reminded of how amazing my life is and I feel in such a good mood. The other floors of the house are on a different value system than me in so many ways and it feels best to be with the othe people who are artists and foreigners as well. Funny how I also don´t really have any german friends here... how the people from all over come together around their ´different-ness.´I have many thoughts on living on farms or communes and learning about how to make more things when I get back to the US... urban life here is good at the moment though and I love taking the train to work... snaking around berlin, through all the fall leaves and old buildings in the gray air.

Yesterday, catalina, courtney and I all went on a very long bike ride to the forest outside of berlin... started getting craby with getting lost and being cold, but once we got to the river and saw the amazing view, it was worth all the amaying smells of the leaves and dirt of the forest. We made out way down to the river and rode along it until we found a good place to stop for lunch. We sat on logs by the water, watching squeeky black ducks and posh people who were boarding a docked boat that served as a resteraunt. We stayed outside eating bananas, raisins, apples, carrots and sandwiches from the bakeri then going to the bathroom in the bushes, then leaving behind the people in the boat to thier food and watching of nature through glass. The bike ride back was so nice... mainly I think because we knew the way and were all bundled up, then as we came closer into town we started passing all of these amazing buildings and then the huge city centers with christmas decorations everywhere and a deep comforting cold in the air. The sky was so dark, but as we rode home I could catch glimpses of the moon through the clouds, shining bright in contrast to the sky and all the city lights.

Today I taught one of the girls I watch how to sing ´the insy weensy spider´song and the baby kept on crawling to me and then later was trying to bite her moms nose, and then I had cake and went home. Tonight I have a performance with Catalina at a local club that is having a womens sex party that tina and angie are organizing. I am still working on getting pictures posted... especially to show you my new euro hair cut! There is a chance I will be coming back to seattle for a quick visit in jan as a part of an artist residency at the university of mn... but more on that later.

kisses, elliat

Squat bars, zines, the gossip, spider in the web and system of a down...

so much to say with all that in a title... I guess I can start with the squat bars. There is one in my house called X-B to start with and everytime I am there I think of how it would be the ultimate dream for all my punk friends in seattle... have been doing little sketches of the house and other spaces and think I will be doing a zine about the house. Have learned a lot also about how housing projects work here... there are socialist-leftist organizations that help buy houses with projects and that is what my house is in the process of doing. There is also an info zine that comes out monthly with all the events happening at squats and other radical spaces and housing projects and I have decided that I need to start exploring more of these things going on here... revolations about what I am doing here, thinking about things as a bit more of research, etc.

Friday night at a bar called Suppamolly, spider in the web (oly-ex bikini kill) and party line (dc- new name for bratmobile) play and I chatted for a bit with Chris from spider in the web who I know from working at rainy day records for a long time while I was growing up in Oly. Strange to be seeing people from the US and I also have started to meet all these people from olympia who live here.. but I´m getting ahead of myself. Saturday not much happening, stayed at home and watched the breakfast club with my friend sara from sweden and the sunday was the prenzlaurburg flowmarket and then the house plannum after talking to my aunt on the phone for an hour. It looks as though I will be going with her to minneapolis in jan to do an arts residency and then come back to berlin... there is also a good chance that I will be coming back to seattle for the planning of the recidency... but nothing is set in stone. It is a strange feeling since I was planning on not coming back to see the US for 6 months at least and now I will be back for a visit sooner.... anyways.

So, last night (monday, 7.11) the gossip played at this really strange club called Knaack Klub and I went with my roommate Catalina. Before the show we went to Vöku (basically a secret cafe situation) at this space called ´the black girls coalition´and I met 6 people from Oly there... craziness. The space has two main rooms, one is a little bar in a black room with a little disco ball light and the other room had this Amazing trans woman who was djing and there were films abot the sisters of perpetual induldance playing in the background as all these kids sat eating. After that we headed to the club where the gossip was playing and as we pulled up on our bikes I saw stan and beth and nathan outside the club and basically ran stan over to give her a hug. It was so great to see them and I was able to sit down and talk with stan for awhile before the show.. about all her hot swedish eye candy actions and what not. As we were sitting there with our becks from Bremen, these really kinda tough looking dudes came and sat near us and I could hear that they were american also.. and it was ´system of a down´who I personally am not super familiar with, but they are an mtv hardcore band from what I hear... what the f*ck. After the show we were supposed to go do karaoke at this amazing bar in kreuzburg, but no one ended up going cuz there was drama with shitty equipment and some guy also came up to nathan and pulled out a gossip record and broke it and threw it on the ground... but anyways, and I ended up staying there with Catalina and these two german girls I met (one of who had been at the last homoagogo) and we stayed there talking about gender till 2:30am.

This morning I got up at 9am, took and shower and rode my bike to the hotel where the gossip was staying and we ate breakfast and talked gossip..haha. and about 70´s berlin fashion bound terrorists (... beinhofs). It was strange to again see so many people from home and on my bike ride home I stopped in the park for a minute and cried, missing the familiar. Now I am finishing this up and then going to work.. an now 5 day a week gig and the going to barbie dienhof tonight to see wassan dj.

till next time....

Drag Scene...

Today is my first day of work as a Nanny for a Polish family in a neighborhood south of here- two girls who don´t speak english yet and who have shaved heads. It´s sunny but still very cold and I keep on having performance fantasies when listening to bad radio in the morning with my tea and bread in the kitchen at X-B.

Last night I went with my roommates Lota (swedan) and Catalina (NYC) to a drag show at the club ÁHA´(www.kingsofberlin.de) . It was an open stage and I went with the idea of just checking out the scene... but inspired by the german line dancing and bad romio and juliet, plus some singing drag queens, I decided we needed to perform. Catalina went to NYU for drama and we quickly put together a performance with some stuff we both had done in the past. I was not wearing anying very special, so I just decided to perform in my bra, singing ´crying over you´ with Catalina coming out crying over me and then we did a sassy little southern girl act about our hats being happy and sad. It was really fun and I think people liked it- Catalina and I will most likely come up with more performances also, which I am looking forward to. Afterwards one of the bar tenders kept on kissing my hand and trying to get me drunk and I got to chat with lots of different people at the club. Afterwards we went to pizza and then to the gay disco club SO36, which was on the way home.

This morning Nossa came back to the house and told that all went well with her interview about the wedding (the one from Friday) and then I said my good byes to Nossa and Elisa who are going back to Amsterdam today- hopefully they will be setting up a show for me and friends as well.

One of Tinas friends in Milan wants us to come and perform at a party called ´Fetish Art´(www.fetish-art.it) for ealy dec. and I am working on an Alice in Wonderland theme for it- it looks like we are also going to perform in Balonia while in Italy. Also, after the show at AHA last night, I talked with this girl named Elliot (france) who works at the Barbie Dienhof and she asked me to be in the cabaret for late November. So great how many opportunities there are here for performing and trying new things.. I´m having lots of fun with trying new performances and getting to work with new people.

I´m not looking forward to working and getting enough money to get a bike and my new room... there is also a lamp at the flee market that I have my eye on... little things that make life feel nice sometimes.

Barbie Dienhof, Swedish Karaoke, Opera Drag Queens and Queer Weddings in Berlin!

Yes, and this is only the beginning. Where to start. It is hard to me to keep up on all these things, trying to recap, but at an internet cafe I am not always feeling the Berlin life that now runs through me. More drag shows coming up, one in Milano in Dec. as well at the cabarette at the Barbie Dienhof (http://www.bader-deinhoff.de/).. the most amazing bar/place ever... There is a huge Gala tonight at X-B, the huge building I live in in east berlin and we made lots of vegan cakes for it and now people are decorating and mixing up the bar in the ground floor, as well as the bike shop with has been converted into another bar. Wow, I really am not even knowing where to start in explaining what has been happening. Most of my friends here are still swedish and italian and we go out to karaoke bars with private booths and sing ´time of my life´ and britney and I go to the library tons and drink lots of black tea in the morning with my nice german bread. I think a lot about the US and being in Germany, think about why it´s different, what about this life that makes it so freeing and amazing. Right now I´m at an african owned internet cafe and there is a guy working here speaking an african dialect, at home it´s french, italian, german, swedish, and more. I ride my bike around this city and wonder where I really am. There is a huge Turkish population here also, some kind of agreement between germany and turkey... we eat lots of falafels and bakery goods. Stores are small and food is made fresh and it´s starting to get really dark at 6pm-18 hrs. I know I am jumping around, but I wanted to give an update of some kind, and this is what I have. I also went to a queer wedding this morning and the other wedding next to us was also queer... I think german and spanish with two girls and there were all these great fags there and this one trans girl who had amazing bangs and I wanted her to be my new bestfriend. I thinkI will go to my house for the gala now and make a big party with all the women and queerions of berlin. I have also found a job here finally.. watching polish girls who don´t speak english and also don´t have hair, so it will somehow grow back better. this is the story for now.

Take care and keep in touch!

Berlin... at last!

And where do I begin...? First of all, I love it here, not sure I want to leave ever even though the nights are getting colder and colder and I am having trouble getting a job. I live in a big building that used to be a squat, and is now legalized, in what used to be East Berlin in Friedrickshain. The building has 4 floors and is a huge womens collective house called X-B Liebig, with a bar on the first floor which is open some days of the weeks. I am living on the 4th floor, which is known as the queer/international floor and there are girls from Norway, France, Switzerland, Austria, Italy, and the US, and all of whom are extremely smart and talented artists and craftspeople. There are many realities to living here... the people you meet and the relationships built, the day to day activities and making of pasta and such in the kitchen, wondering the streets and looking at all the beautiful buildings and spaces, being around so many mixed languages and stories, the personal thoughts and ideas that come from traveling and questions one has about self, life, purpose, goals, direction, time and so forth. I long to stay here and yet worry about everday survival and also long for traveling more and at the same time am creating stability for myself here. I am tired and restless, longing for certainty and looking for adventure.

I will write more later... more on love and bikes and maps and big euro cities...

xo, elliat

Hamburg, Germany

¨That fishy town¨as they say, so at least in the chicks on speed song. I spent almost a week there, staying with my friend Eleni, who I met at Queeruption in Barcelona. It took me about two days to finally get to her house from my house in Seattle, but it was great once I landed. Germany is an interesting country and for the most part I really like it here. Hamburg was more sleepy that I had expected and my main memory of it is the wall of vine leaves on the building across the way from the kitchen window at Eleni´s house, turning a deep red as the air was growing colder. I stayed in their guest room, on the 1st floor (in the US it would be the second floor) and then the kitchen, living room (home of the guine pigs) the bathroom and the two boys room were on the 3rd floor, and lastly, Eleni, Joy and Andrea lived on the 4th (next was the attick where you went to hang your closes to dry). The bathroom was divided with the sink and shower/bath and then a room on the other side of the hall with the toilette. We ate lots of bread with a wide array of spreads for the morning and I have found that the most popular meal in Germany is Falafel as it is only 2 euros for a quick dinner.

Eleni introduced me to her friend Christina and we went to the womens art/video archive in Hamburg. They had an amazing space next to the central station with a huge room full of books and zines on all sorts of subject matter, a room full of 5,000 films by women starting from the 1970´s, an office, a kitchen/filing room, and a viewing room with a huge tv and large rolling boxes with pads on them for sitting on. I went the next day with Christina to watch some films and get some ideas for things I might be able to screen in the US later... my favorites so far are the one from the this woman in London who goes for a walk with a huge purse and a pink coat, goes into a office in a building and then takes out half a pizza from her purse and eats it, of course saving some for later after she is done. The other was called ¨Women in Black¨- a play on men in black, about two butch femme couples who basically kill gross guys who try to fuck with them.

I will finish my update soon, and then I can tell about Berlin, where I am now!

xo, elliat

Home

is home a place you find one day or leave behind you along the way. I always think about that poem from the lord of the rings, about how stepping out the door can be a dangerous thing because you never know where the road might sweep you off to.

I'm stuck in a room full of boxes and mixed feelings. Tina has finally e-mailed me again and I feel so much more grounded- knowing that berlin is real- singing kevin blechdom in my head as I wake up from dreams about hospital beds and irritated people. I can't wait for the lack of responsibility- no more bad kid feelings, letting go of this place and this moment of life, relaxing the clench in my jaw. I just need to get grounded again, write out a plan, stop editing myself, finding my trusting place again while in the unknown.

I went to 'Mission Creek' prison on Friday as a part of my new job that I will be working until I leave on Oct. 3rd. I'm coordinating a project at my aunts dance Co. called "keeping the faith" and we did an intro to the program for the women inmates there. I saw someone I knew in there, but it was not strange to see one of my people in there- queers and street kids, people who get screwed over by the system and then end up in prison- this is how it happens. Of course, as it was minimum security, it was mostly all white... the 'low crime' population. I remember when I went to Purdy (WCCW) in Gig Harbor the past two years and the overwhelming feeling I had as a queer young woman- that I belonged there somehow. I felt the culture- that on some level I got, I felt the institutionalized environment and the scheduled life and I understood it, the simplicity of self that becomes real while dealing with a space that contains such complexity. I had a good amount of friends end up in Juvie when I was in middle school and when I worked on KTF in 2003 I found out that one of the inmates was cousins with a friend of mine from middle school and I had hung out at her house. It feels healing to just even walk through the doors there and to say hello with a warm smile, to introduce yourself, to show that you even care at all- what that means to people who are' locked away'- it's beyond words. I feel so fortunate to be able to do some of this work before I leave for germany and it has already been some of the most meaningful work I have ever done. I will continue to set up the program and be able to work on the first two days of classes, then leave.

At this point, I will be flying out on Oct. 3rd and get into Hamburg via London on Oct. 4th- head over to my friend Eleni's house and have a films screening there. I might stop through Bremen, but I will for sure be on my way to Berlin to meet up with Devon and Tina/Tony and all the rest of my amazing people there.

I so glad that I have stayed to be with my friend Sailor, that I could be present with her in her healing and be able to see her. She is now doing so much better and although it will be a very long road to recovery, she is already showing us how strong she is, pulling through and trying to communicate, but she needs her rest now. I might go and sit by her tonight, but although today has been simple I am very tired and may go in the morning.

Until I find my words again.

tramatic events...

It's less than a week before I am scheduled to leave for berlin and I have had some very bad news. A very good friend of mine, Sarah Block/Sailor (in picture-right), got hit by a drunk driver on her way home from Portland late sunday night. She is in intensive care at Harbor View and just went in for brain surgery this morning. It has been really hard, going back and forth on thinking she is fine to 'we don't know' and I'm just keep my faith in her strength and ability to heal- to believe that she will come back to us. I'm on brake from visiting her, but I will be back there again soon. I have no idea if my plans will still go through and there is a good chance that I may push back my tickets.
I feel so tired and yet I feel like I still need to cry so much. It is so scary to have the potential of loosing someone near you and I'm just trying to stay open to what ever happens here.

Please keep her in your thoughts and I will of course send out an undate on my life and all of this when I can.

Much Love,
Elliat

Here's the Plan...

It's now a quick count down till I leave for Berlin and things are going well so far. I set up this blog to talk about my trip through Europe for the next 6 months and will be reporting on all the amazing things I see and people I meet, hopefully convincing you to drop everything and join me for the party!

This specific trip started with an invitation to perform in a drag show in Bremen, Germany while I was at Queeruption 8 in Barcelona, June 2005. I performed 'Crying over You' by Roy Orbeson on a whim (as I'd been practicing that song) and with no background music and a magic marker mustache I sang to a squat wear house full of international queers. So, here I am, heading back again... making the dream real, performing and showing films, going to find parts of myself across the sea.

My trip will begin on September 20th- seattle-nyc-london-hamberg and then staying with my amazing friend Eleni. After that I have the drag show in Bremen on September 24th and then I go to Berlin! I have two shows set up in Berlin right now- Oct. 10th I will be doing a half hour set of drag/burlesque between dj's at a Lesbo night in a gay/lesbo bar in Berlin-Friedrichshain called "Himmelreich." It will be written up closer to the date is a German magazine- so check it out: (http://www.siegessaeule.de/index.html) The next night I will be screening a porn I recently shot/directed/edited in Seattle with a friend called "Grinding Gears." It will be showing at a queer night at one of Berlins sex clubs.

After that, I think I will be heading for Milan with my good friend Devon Divine from San Francesco (of JUNK and Mala Queerque- www.malaqueerche.com) and my dearest Tina (dj Tony) who is a part of the Pornflakes Italian queer collective. Pornflakes (www.pornflakes.it) is throwing a party in Milan that we will be going to and Devon is screening JUNK and I will be screening my films as well!!!
"Travel Queeries," the feature length documentary film I am working on producing with my friend Margaritte Knezek, about European queer art and activism, will find out if grant funding comes through in November, and if so then I will be traveling more to do pre-production research on location in Nov/Dec!

That is the plan for now. I will most likely try and work some in Berlin and write and such. I'm really excited to see what will happen.

Please stay tuned to hear about what happens next and tell your friends about this site!